My Answer to a Recently Asked Question.

By on 2-13-2015 in Blog

My Answer to a Recently Asked Question.

I was recently asked this question by my daughter in law, Sarah.  I wanted to share my answer here on my Website’s Blog:   “What attributes do I think are important for a mother to have?”

The things I mention here are what I wish I would’ve known and done better as a mom and worked on beforehand.  But honestly, life is a journey and it’s meant to be lived and “errors” are made and that’s how we learn.  Love you Garrett and Sarah, and thanks for letting me write down these thoughts.  It was helpful for me too.

Since this question was asked of me, my cute son and his wife Sarah became pregnant and sadly Sarah miscarried at 12 weeks. I was so sad to hear this. I know both of them were too.  It was hard to know what to say.  I will say this now: Sarah will be an AMAZING mom and Garrett will be an awesome dad.  I LOVE these two kids.  Any advice I could give them pales in comparison to where they are starting out  – miles ahead of where I was when starting out as a mom!

– Self Love. I can only give what I have obtained for myself.  Self Love is the most important of attributes…when I love myself I can then easily love God and others. This often requires forgiving oneself for falling short, as we all most assuredly do.

– Love your children’s father.  Honor him. Make and keep sacred covenants.

– Admit faults, speak openly about what you struggle with and why. This is something I did NOT do. I now know better and I do better.  This allows children to see that you are real and that when they struggle and have issues that it’s normal and okay.  You also have the opportunity to show them how to get through issues that they will have.  When you are openly sharing “your stuff” it benefits everyone!

– Laugh. Laugh again and then Laugh some more.  Did I mention that you should LAUGH??!!! Laugh at yourself.  Laugh with your kids.  Laugh at life.  It’s really much better that way!  Life tends to be a serious matter but it’s so much more fun and enjoyable when we laugh.

–  Express Love.  Along with expressing your “stuff” be sure to express love: I love you, your handsome, your awesome, you are funny, you make me laugh, you’re so smart, you are the best baseball player, you are such a good friend, you are good, you are loved!!

– Be Involved and Active in your children’s life.  Take an interest in what they like and in the good and wholesome things they want to do. This doesn’t require spending money always, sometimes it does but “BE” awake and aware and involved.

– Pursue your own passion.  Find, cultivate, explore and LIVE a passionate life!  Find what makes you light up like a Christmas tree inside when you are doing it and then figure out a way to make money doing that….and then DO IT BIG!!  Go for it.  This example of passion seeking and finding will instill in them the same for them!

– Practice ZERO GUILT.  My mantra is: “I do MY (not comparing to anyone) best and my best is GOOD ENOUGH!”

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I love the lyrics to this Mike and the Mechanics Song from the 1970’s which explains my feelings about how I feel about my own parents.  (here is a link to the music…it’s a great song!)

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I’m a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I’m a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper

Filled with imperfect thoughts
Stilted conversations
I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got

You say you just don’t see it
He says it’s perfect sense
You just can’t get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talkin’ in defense

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It’s the bitterness that lasts

So Don’t yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different date
And if you don’t give up, and don’t give in
You may just be O.K.

I wasn’t there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn’t get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I’m sure I heard his echo
In my baby’s new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye